Tomorrow

     Christmas in August!!  My wife is coming back from a one month, and a week  adventure.  She has been hanging out in Banff Canada for a month.  She was part of the artist in residency summer program.  She worked with 1st class teachers, participated in masterclasses and played in a top notch orchestra.  I can’t wait to hear what she sounds like when she gets back. 

I have been trying to get the house in good shape so we can spend time together instead of cleaning, and gardening.  I have a small surprise for her when she gets home. 

small pleasures

• last popsicle
• hearing the rain bounce off the roof at the night
• new socks
• clean sheets
• pizza
• getting a ‘z’ in Scrabble
• coffee in the evening
• running the dogs
• standing on the bridge at Western and looking at the river
• pancakes
• day-dreaming
• haircuts (good ones that is)
• reading (this is new-I used to hate this)
• bingo (not because I think that I will win)
• tea tree experience-haha
• crumpler bag
• good tv
• people watching
• reading blogs
• looking at pictures
• cuddling with my amazing wife
• yogourt
• quiet dinners with Jenny
• PVR

some thoughts that speak to me

Gremlin’ is a well known term in coaching circles representing the ‘inner critic,’ a personification of the negative inner voice. Gremlins are conceived through the passing along of negative or self defeating messages which have been internalized throughout life. Well meaning parents, teachers, siblings and associates who like our selves are challenged intermittently with the voices of the gremlin have (unconsciously) passed these along. When the voice of the gremlin overpowers our authentic voice, it can feel difficult to go after what we most desire, as we become plagued by self doubt, fear, or feelings of low esteem.
Gremlins are discouraging, and can easily convince us that we are not capable or worthy of being, having, or doing what we desire to experience in life. At times, it may appear as though there are insurmountable obstacles blocking us from realizing our goals, such as: writing that book, starting a new business, losing weight, healing a relationship, etc.

Gremlins may discourage you from speaking up for yourself, or act to obscure your own needs in favor of others’. Gremlins also nurture feelings of low self esteem, which can prevent you from taking advantage of opportunities. Familiar messages such as "I’m not good enough" or "I can’t, shouldn’t, or won’t succeed" are expressions of the gremlin. Gremlins make it very easy to envision a “worst case scenario” for every situation.

My role as a coach involves ‘co-creating’ a space that allows the individual to remember his or her innate magnificence. This is particularly crucial at times of transition, when it is easy to lose touch with one’s authentic nature, in addition to the truth and power that is within. When moving into new territory, as in committing to a new venture, gremlins emerge because they are invested in keeping you safe and protected from imagined threats and failures. If we resist the voices of our gremlins we may ‘white knuckle it’ through life’s challenges, but I have found their influence grows when we choose to deny or ignore them.
A gremlin’s influence can be so compelling and powerful that it becomes difficult to distinguish between the gremlin’s voice and what our own heart is communicating. Without a supportive structure, it can be impossible to keep your vision for your life in clear sight. As a life coach I ask powerful questions in addition to utilizing a variety of empowering tools to assist individuals in remembering and accessing more of their own inner wisdom, creativity, and power.

Have you ever had the experience of being chased in a dream and it seemed that the harder you ran from a shadowy pursuer, the tougher it was to shake them off? Dream interpreters suggest that if an individual has such a nightmare, he or she is actually making a conscious, pre-sleep decision to face the opponent head on, rather than running away. If one can face the frightening pursuer, the dream figure will then appear in another form—one that allows for you to connect in a new way. Often in dreams, parts of ourselves that we find unacceptable do their best to get our attention, occasionally by scaring us into submission. Thus the dream tells us to listen more closely to our deeper pain and the needs that lie beneath it. Through acknowledging rather than ignoring the gremlins, we allow ourselves to gain important insights and reclaim buried treasures once left behind.

In a coaching session, I asked a woman if she would be willing to meet her gremlins through a creative process. She agreed and a powerful healing experience ensued. This woman decided to meet her gremlins head on, and even though at first it was difficult for her, she committed herself to draw pictures of her gremlins on a few sheets of paper. After each drawing was complete, her intuition gave her little messages which she wrote at the bottom of each page. Each message conveyed a feeling, and once she set about connecting the dots to these emotive messages, a memory was triggered. This triggering effect allowed her to remember a time as a child in which a teacher had told her she couldn’t draw. Over time her gremlins had limited her pursuit of art, yet once she decided to meet them, the emotional release provided her with rich insights and genuine healing. By allowing her gremlins to emerge in a space of compassion, she opened up to a process of reintegrating her creative gifts and was able to move her art to a new level.

After a bit of training, you may find that these gremlins are really giving you an opportunity to retrieve a part of yourself or reclaim a gift that you previously set aside. By nurturing your authenticity and exploring more of your creative nature you can be inspired to express your ‘true self’ and pursue your desires. As your authenticity grows, the gremlin’s voice and power also wanes, and eventually fewer thoughts will deter you from acting on and realizing your heart’s dreams.
Alana Tobin

Wow,…so much to learn

      I can’t wait to get back to work this year.  I am excited about this year.  This year brings possibilities.  It brings the possibility of success, the possibility of failure, but one thing is for sure I will try and soak up every bit of experience that I can while I am here.  I feel that my teacher is working very hard to give me opportunities for the upcoming year!!!  It looks like I will be conducting the Beethoven octet, and the De Falla Harpsichord Concerto, and a Gabrielli brass  work for my chamber recital.  I am not too sure what I will be conducting for my large ensemble pieces, but I am pumped up for my chamber recital. 

As far as the DMA auditions are concerned,…I am not going to hold my breath.  I am going to work at full capacity, and if I get an audition, I will be ecstatic, but if not, I will have to wait, and gather more skills.  

wow I hate boring chores

Today is stupid chore day boo, which will be continued tomorrow, and the next day.  I have been neglecting my chores and the house looks like a dog hair bomb blew up inside it.  Oh well, I get great satisfaction AFTER it is all done. 

My wife Jennifer sent me a letter and with a little treasure hunt attached.  She hid clues, before she left for Banff, around the house and I am struggling to figure out her clues.  I am stuck on the second one.  That is right THE 2 ONE!! Grr!  Oh well, this is the sweetest little game ever!! She was given the opportunity to stay in Banff for one more week for an orchestra camp, and that is great.  BUT I miss her soooo much, and can’t wait until she gets home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanging out with BR

I was recently in Toronto, hanging out with an amazing guy, BR.  BR is a fine conductor, and educator, and we met at the CBDNA conference.  So, we met three weeks ago and then we went to WASBE together and it was a lot of fun!!  I don’t have many male friends so it is really nice to have met a guy that I can connect with.  Here is what we did

Toronto by CHri

• Beautiful house, beautiful  beach, scenery,
• beer on the patio
• walk on the beach
• crumpler <3
• great Italian restaurant
• hung out BR and his gf
• chopped up conducting videos
• wine
• breakfast at greasy spoon
• Leslieville-funky decor shops, and starbucks

Next adventure with BR, other than visiting, will be in November to the Columbus, not Ohio, conducting symposium. Nov. 20-21- where Allen McMurray and Mark Scatterday. 

to TO tomorrow

I am going to TO tomorrow to hang out with Brian Rice.  We met for the first time about 3 weeks ago at the CBDNA conducting symposium.  I can’t say enough about how cool of a guy he is.  We are going to go through conducting footage, and try to get a coherent 20 minutes of footage for a DMA audition tape that is due earlier than others.  In addition, we are going to look at fancy designer man bags. 

So what about the dogs,… Sara Bryan is staying at Chez Unger/Atkinson to look after the puppies.  She met them today and it went really well.  Buddy really liked her which is surprising because he can be a bit stand-offish. 

woo road trip,… I hope it is not going to be another 4 hour commute to TO. 

Boo for bad navigation skills. 

bad bad bad

I was just looking at my footage of the year and there were a lot of bad conducting moments on the tapes.  I am going to have a hard time deciding what is going to make the cut for my audition tape,….

What is he talking about?

I approached a potential teacher and he told me I have to send my tape in earlier than the deadline if I want to be considered for 2010’s school year. 

Bummer

I have some decent symposium footage so that will fill a good portion of the tape, but I am not entirely happy with some of the work that I did at Western.  I am sure next year will be better because, with guidance, I have figured a lot of things out about my body.  It is just too bad that I am feeling rushed to get this footage in. 

I am going over to a friends this week to select footage for the dvd.  Then I will run the footage by my teacher,………. this means reference letters, writing samples, cv, works conducted list, and application.  At least I have time to spend on this right now.  Maybe after all of this I will be able to tell you that I am going to do an audition in the fall. 

who knows????

Pics that I like!!

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Final WASBE reflections,…

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why that conference was so poorly attended.  I feel that I gained so much, and paid so little.  Highlights of the week include:

• I shook Karel Husa’s hand and congratulated him on his wonderful music.  He signed my score for Music for Prague 1968. 
• I had a nice chat with Frank Battisti about conducting. 
• I got to see Battisti, Reynolds and Hunsburger conduct, rehearse, and speak about various topics in music. 
• I had a priceless conversation with Gary Hill!!
• Had a great conversation with Mark Scatterday, and Steve Bryant about composition, and commissions.
• Went to lectures on Canadian repertoire, the music of Vincent Persichetti
• Great Concerts-University of North Texas, RNCM’s band, and CCM players being the highlight. 
• Got to hang out with three wonderful Canadian professors
• Sat through the most intense lecture of my life on school band repertoire
• Hung out with Brian Rice, and Sara Bryan. 

All in all, it was an amazing experience, but I am glad to be home, I am really tired and I am looking forward to taking a day off before I get out there and hand out resumes.